If you Google “art of negotiation,” there are 11.1 million results. If you started adding in the amount of publications, seminars, training courses, etc. – it becomes clear that negotiating effectively can be a very complicated skill to master.
We tend to think about negotiation in terms of big transactions – like asking for a raise, closing a business deal or being considered for a promotion. What may not be obvious negotiation, however, are the things that we want on a daily basis that we either fail to ask for, or request in such a way that we are unsuccessful in getting it. So why aren’t we getting what we want?
Let’s think about negotiation in its most basic form. Simply put, every negotiation you enter into is a conversation. What makes it more complicated is that there are several parts at play with a certain level of trust required for reaching an agreement that satisfies everyone. With that being said, it has been my experience that designing this conversation successfully and laying down the ground work are the most common challenges in daily negotiation.
I have a colleague who was a top negotiator for GE and when asked how he closes his deals successfully, his response is that most of the negotiation happens way before the “big conversation.” I completely agree, and here are two reasons why.
1. The timing may not be right for making a request because the framework hasn’t been established. Ask yourself – have I done the foundation work of relationship-building to create trust? Are there missing or incomplete conversations that need to happen before I make a request? We generally spend a greater amount of time engaging in the transactional part of a conversation, overlooking the key to its success – the “small talk” that builds trust and understanding.
2. We hold ourselves back because we get in our own way. This often comes from stories we tell ourselves about the situation (our perception), or our approach about the request (our body language and emotion). 90% of our communication is nonverbal, so our mood, emotions and body language about our request all play a huge role in the success of how it will turn out.
I understand that realistically there may not be much opportunity to lay the foundation prior to negotiating, and that’s ok. The more practice you put into crafting your conversation with an awareness of what can make it successful will help getting what you want more achievable.
I will be diving deeper into the topic of successful negotiation in an interactive program hosted by OneAcadiana on Friday, May 20th from 11am-1pm titled Acadiana Women’s Network: Asking for What You Want.
If you are interested in learning more about working with Phyllis Arceneaux click here.